Cupid struck me.

I've been single for quite a while now. Almost 2 years, in fact, this June would be 2 years. And honestly, it has been the best 2 years of my life. 

Sure, at first, it was horrible. I didn't know how to be alone anymore. I was so lonely almost all the time.

I spent almost 3 years of my life with a guy who treated me like crap, though at that time, I didn't see it that way. I thought he was great and funny and nice. Probably cause  he was my first boyfriend so I didn't have any expectations and I guess, a part of me, somewhere deep down, I didn't want to let go cause I was scared that no one could ever love me. 

I mean, come on! I'm not pretty or skinny or have a spectacular personality. I'm just a regular, normal girl. I'm nothing special.

Besides, I thought that is exactly how love/relationship is supposed to be. 

Boy, was I wrong!

It took him cheating on me THREE times before I woke up and realised that that is not how a relationship is supposed to be and if he really did love me, he wouldn't have cheated on me. Period. 

All the signs were there. The bells were definitely ringing in my head, warning me but did I listen? 

Which boyfriend would not even let his own girlfriend TOUCH his handphone? Which guy would say that contacting other girls on FB is not considered cheating as long as he doesn't meet them?

Plus, because of him, I lost touch with a lot of my friends (which luckily, I've reconnected with again now!). He also restricted me from doing A LOT of things. I can't wear whatever I want, I can't hang out with my friends, I can't go overseas. 

Now that I think about all these...

How dumb could I have been?!

Anyway, the day I got rid of him, I focused on myself. I wanted to find who I am again. I wanted to just be me. 

I chose to start losing weight. I chose to get in touch with my friends again. I chose to go home as late as I want. I chose to do whatever I want. It was exhilarating! I don't have to answer to anyone else other than my parents. 

It was basically a detox. A detox from everything bad. I got rid of all the toxics in my life!

And that's why these past 2 years have been the happiest time of my life so far. I liked being single. I was finally at peace with myself. I was genuinely happy.

Besides, at the point in my life, I felt like I didn't need a guy. I have wonderful parents, amazing friends, a job (though I hate it!) and my youth! LOL.

And I was really starting to think that true love doesn't exists anymore and it only happens in the romance novels that I read.

Then 2 months ago, something unexpected happened. 

Cupid hit me with it's arrow.

I "met" Zul.

Why "met"? Cause I got to know him online. 

I'm a research writer right, so I was doing some research on dating for Talkabout and my head research writer asked me to sign up for all these dating websites and download the dating apps and try them out as well. 

So I did. I downloaded Tinder, Profyle, Instadate and what nots. Tried using the apps and personally, Tinder was the most user-friendly but it has a lot of ang mohs (for you girls who wanna get to know ang mohs, you know where to go now!(;)! So what I did was I just click "Like" on all the malay names that I could find and lo and behold, I "like" on Zul's profile. 

So dude started talking to me and I replied. We clicked and suddenly, we decided to meet! 

So he came to Plaza Singapura and waited for me after work one day. I was so nervous! It's been a while since I last went on a date so I really don't know how these things go anymore. Lol.

But #YOLO.

I think I looked horrible cause walking to Plaza Singapura, I got caught in the heavy rain, so when I reached, I was all wet! But it was a good first date, to me at least. We went for dinner at Pizza Hut and we just talked. It was nice. 

We went on a couple more dates after that before we made it official. Honestly, I feel like we're moving a little too fast sometimes but I feel like I've known Zul for a long time. We instantly clicked and I guess, when you know, you know?

He is so hilarious and he can make me laugh like no one else has ever made me laugh. He is really nice and romantic too. No one has ever treated me as nice as he does. I get butterflies in my stomach when he holds my hands or look at me. He looks at me all the time! And he thinks I don't notice but I do. But every time he looks at me, there's love in his eyes and I love that! It always instantly makes me melt (though I would never admit it, not to him at least!). 

I love that I can genuinely be myself with him. I can be silly, bimbotic, bitchy, whiny, etc and I know he won't judge me. I mean, I've even fell right in front of him and we could laughed it off. Yes, that's how comfortable I am with him. 

People always say "The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself". And he really does! 

Even though now, I am more cautious about just falling in deep and I know that I still have a wall surrounding my heart but he is slowly breaking down those walls bit by bit.

He is so patient with me and kind and giving and always thinking about me first. He calls me every night just to say goodnight. How sweet is that?! No one has ever make me feel this loved before!

I really am.

Thank you Zul for putting a smile on my face every single day. For letting me be myself. For being so patient. For putting in the effort. For making me feel special. For loving me.

And I know ya'll are curious as to how he looks like so I'll be kind enough and post a couple of pictures of us. :-p

There you go! 

He likes to say we're "Annoying Ain" and "Lame Zul". Tsk. I am not annoying! But oh wells!~ At least, he knows he's lame! HAHAHAHAHA! 

Sometimes I wonder though.

How did I get so lucky? But I'm not gonna question all that anymore and just enjoy this, enjoy us. Cause now that I've had a taste of heaven, I ain't looking back! ;)

Insyallah. 

Happy.

Have you ever felt so happy and contented with your life as it is right now but you don't want to be super happy for fear that it would all start crumbling down then?

That's exactly how I feel right now. There's an official word for it but I'm too lazy and sleepy to google it right now. (I can't sleep cause I'm currently at work!)

But yes, I am at a point in my life where I am truly happy and satisfied and contented with my life. Syukur alhamdulilah. But I am so scared that if I think too much about how happy I am with my life right now, it's gonna start being bad. So I keep thinking about all the bad things instead. 

THAT IS NOT GOOD. I should not be thinking that way!!!

Even though my job sucks, I still am able to live with it and take it as it goes. Of course, if I really do get a new job that I actually like, my life would be perfect. But one can only hope to have a perfect life. 

For the past year, I have been so focus on losing weight and getting used to being an adult. But now that I've settled down a bit, I've realised that, though I am still not at my goal weight, I'm almost there! (Just 7 more KG!!!!)

My point is my life have revolved around my weight loss journey and being obsessed about the number on the scale. I didn't stop to think about all that I have in my life already…until today.

I've lost a ton of weight, I have a job, I have amazing family and friends and I may or may not have found someone who made me laugh like no one else ever could. ;)

So alhamdulilah. Thank you, Ya Allah for all of your blessings so far. 

Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover

At twenty-two years old, aspiring musician Sydney Blake has a great life: She’s in college, working a steady job, in love with her wonderful boyfriend, Hunter, and rooming with her good friend, Tori. But everything changes when she discovers Hunter cheating on her with Tori—and she is left trying to decide what to do next.

Sydney becomes captivated by her mysterious neighbor, Ridge Lawson. She can’t take her eyes off him or stop listening to the daily guitar playing he does out on his balcony. She can feel the harmony and vibrations in his music. And there’s something about Sydney that Ridge can’t ignore, either: He seems to have finally found his muse. When their inevitable encounter happens, they soon find themselves needing each other in more ways than one…

Where do I even begin about this book?!

Colleen Hoover quickly became my new favourite author after I read HOPELESS. Then I read the SLAMMED series by her too and I was just blown away. HOPELESS is and I think would always be one of my absolute favourite book ever! 

I was so looking forward to MAYBE SOMEDAY. I juts knew that the book is gonna be as great as all her other books. AND IT WAS! As usual, Colleen Hoover did not disappoint!!!

MAYBE SOMEDAY is probably one of the fastest book that I've ever read. I just couldn't out down the book. It was killing me not knowing what is going to happen next! I think I ended up finishing the book in less than 24 hours combined. 

INSANE!!!

Words cannot describe how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE the book!!!

All the feelings that I got reading it. The "awwws", the "Whaaaaaaat?", the "NO WAY!!!" and all the heart-wrenching moments. Ahhhh! So many feels!!!

And it came with its own soundtrack. Yes, SOUNDTRACK. Eight original songs written and sang by Griffin Peterson. 

The songs are fitted perfectly to the different scenes. This is such a BRILLIANT idea cause it totally enhances the reading experience! All the feelings multiplied, especially when you're listening to a song and imagining the current scene. AHHHH. GENIUS!!!

Fun Fact: Griffin Peterson is also the guy who is on the cover of LOSING HOPE, the male POV of HOPELESS!

His voice….*melts* and he's really good-looking too!

My favourite song out of the whole soundtrack is definitely "I'm In Trouble". It was on repeat for a few days! :-p

The book is written from both Ridge and Sydney's POV.

So Sydney Blake has been secretly listening to her neighbour, Ridge Lawson, on the balcony playing his guitar every night. She started to be really into the songs that she create her own lyrics to the tunes. Ridge was having a writer's block so he made her sent the lyrics to him and it was really good!

Sydney caught her boyfriend and best friend sleeping with each other on her BIRTHDAY. Yeah. That bitch and bastard!

So she punches both of them and left. 

She was left homeless and Ridge took her in. Reluctantly, she agreed and also agreed to continue writing lyrics with him for his band, Sounds Of Cedar. 

And of course, slowly, they get attracted to each other. 

“I know we shouldn't be putting ourselves into a situation we're only going to regret once it's over.” 

“The more I open up to him, the more I need him. The more I admit to myself that I need him, the most it hurts to know that I still don't exactly have him.” 

The thing is, Ridge has a girlfriend and I WISH the girlfriend was a bitch so it would make it easier for Ridge to just dump her and go with Sydney. But noooooooo! Colleen Hoover had to make us all feel torn. 

Ridge's girlfriend, Maggie, is a really nice, sweet girl and Ridge absolutely adores and loves her so much. This is where I got so frustrated and torn for Ridge.

“There's no other way to describe how I feel. I know that the way I think about her and feel about her is wrong, but I struggle so much with how right it feels when I'm with her.” 

He obviously loves Maggie a lot but at the same time, he's also having feelings for Sydney, feelings that he never knew could exist in him. They tried, they really did try to stay away from each other.

“We try so hard to hide everything we're really feeling from those who probably need to know our true feelings the most. People try to bottle up their emotions, as if it's somehow wrong to have natural reactions to life.” 

For the first time, while reading a book, I didn't know if I could choose which girl the hero should pick. I was seriously torn. I feel that Ridge should go with Sydney, cause it is their story after all. But at the same time, Maggie does not deserve that at all. 

WHY COULDN'T MAGGIE HAVE BEEN A BITCH?!

Throughout the book, there are some surprises and twists. So it will definitely keep you on the edge. Don't say I didn't warn you! ;)

But seriously, this is a MUST-READ book! Trust me. You will not regret picking this book up and reading it. 

“How ever, I've learned that the heart can't be told when and who and how it should love. The heart does whatever the hell it wants to do. The only thing we can control is whether we give our lives and our minds the chance to catch up to our hearts.” 

I don't think there's any scenes in this book that I hate but I especially love when Ridge and Sydney are writing songs together. That moment seem so special and intimate. Plus, the fact that you can listen to the songs, it just makes it a whole lot…..

“For her I bend, for you I break.” 

Weight Gain.

April is here already? Where did the time go? We're almost halfway through 2014!!

Why do time move so fast? I've already been 22 for a month, and yes, I still do feel old!!! I'm not over it yet.

Before you know it, Ramadan is gonna be here again (Which reminds me I need to start paying back my fast from last year!) and then BAM! It's suddenly Christmas! 

Time. You need to chill and SLOW THE EFF DOWN. 

Anyways…

GUESS WHAT?!

I'VE. GAINED. WEIGHT. 

I had gained freaking TWO KG.

As if 1kg wasn't enough, my body decided to gained 2 instead!!!!!!! 

Throughout my whole journey, I have never gained this much weight! The most I've ever gained was 0.5KG, not even 1KG!! So can you imagine to my horror that the weighing scale read 77KG instead of 75KG?!?!

I was so so so depressed and upset. I complained to whoever that would listen. Poor Jan, my colleague, who got the most brunt out of it cause she was sitting beside me the whole day! 

On the way to work, all I could think of was, "HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPENED?!" And when I reached the office, I saw my supervisor and immediately went to her to ask for advice cause she's very healthy and is very knowledgable in all these. 

She explained it could be that since I now have started to go to the gym and carrying weights, my body is building muscle mass and of course, muscles are heavier. Thus, the weight gain. She told me not to worry cause my body definitely looked more toned now than before. So that just proves that the weight gain is muscles, not fats and THAT IS OKAY. That shows you're doing the healthy and right way. So when the muscles are all settled in, the weight will decrease naturally.

Felt a WHOLE LOT better after talking to her but I still couldn't help but to be upset so I texted Nadiah and told her that I've gained weight and she too said the same thing about how the fats are turning to muscles and thus, weight gain!

Even Jan told me the same thing.

That day, I felt superbly upset and couldn't shake the feelings off. But now, it's been 3 days and I'm okay with it. The fact that its muscles and not fats make it easier to accept. 

I understand that the number on the scale is not everything and it's more of how and what I'm doing to achieve a healthier me. So fine. 2KG is okay. But you bet I'm running a lot more and eating healthier, trying to get to that damn 70KG!

And here's a comparison of… well, me, over the past 2 years, in the same dress!

I know July 2013 and April 2014 does not have much difference but my whole body do look a little bit smaller and my face definitely looks smaller! 

This is why I think a lot of people have trouble losing weight. They want to see immediate results. But trust me, other than a liposuction, there is NO IMMEDIATE RESULTS. You have to work hard and lose the weight SLOWLY. You will lose the weight if you just keep going and not give up! Sometimes, you will not even realise that you've lost the weight till you look at your old photos. That's what happened to me! I never realised how fat I was and how much weight I've lost till I put before/after pictures!

There are bumps on every road but just remember not to steer off the road and stay on course. Cause starting over is a pain in the ass!

And if you're not motivated still to workout, let this kid tell you something…

Letting go of the guilt...

Ever since I started on my weight loss journey, I always have this problem. Whenever I don't exercise for a day or I ate a little bit too much, I would feel really bad and would stay away from the scale till after I've workout. It has been going on for a year now.

Today is no exception. 

Had to miss my usual Friday gym session in the morning cause I had an interview to go to. I think I've mentioned before that I go to ClubFITT every Monday, Wednesday & Friday before work for an hour. 

Unfortunately, I had to miss it today cause the interview was at 9AM! So if I were to go to the gym, I would not be able to make it to the interview on time.

I feel like I'm at a point in my life where because I've worked so hard to lose the weight, I don't ever want to go back to how I was. I'm so scared that by missing 1 workout, I would continue to miss another and another one and another. Then eventually, I would stop and before you know, I have gained all the weight back!

I already foresee myself missing today's gym session. So what did I do?

Talked to Nadiah, my friend/motivator/healthfreak, of course!

I don't know what it is about her but I always feel so much better after talking to her, even when she's all the way in Queensland! 

I was texting her about how I feel guilty and all that, and she calmly texted me back saying that it's okay to miss once in a while cause it's not like I don't have a valid excuse. Also, if I feel really bad, then just kinect at home on the weekends. Mentioned how I haven't lost any weight AT ALL this month, she said, "you are probably building muscle mass! Thats why!And your weight isn't a justifiable indicator. Trust me. ;)" 

I was seriously losing patience that my weight is still 75KG after almost a month and a half but Nadiah being Nadiah, reminded me to "Aim for fit and healthy, not the digit on the scale seriously. I strongly suspect you're building muscle mass, so be patient! Things take time, be patient love!"

She also never fails to make me feel better about myself, reminding me of how far I've come and that I deserve a break once in a while. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is to let it go. You know, like the seriously overplayed song? Just LET. IT. GO. 

It's okay to miss working out and it's okay to pig out once in a while. YOU DESERVE IT. As long as you don't keep doing it,of course! But when you have a valid reason, like a job interview in my case, or you've had a terrible week at work and you want to eat that tub of Ben & Jerry's, GO FOR IT. Don't feel bad.

Seriously, YOLO, that's You Only Live Once for those who don't know! (Seriously though, where have you been? Living under a rock?)

And I know my friends reading this will probably be rolling their eyes right now cause I've been saying YOLO like ALL THE TIME. I kid you not. It's kind of my new mantra nowadays. 

But yes, YOLO cause what's life if you don't indulge once in a while. You've let your body go through strenuous exercise almost everyday, so what's one day? And that's exactly why I've let go of my guilt. 

I know that by missing out on one gym session would not make my weight go up by 5kg! Or if I were to eat more than I usually would, my weight would not skyrocket! I've learn that it's okay AS LONG AS I DON'T DO IT OFTEN. 

Everyone who is trying to lose weight, needs at least ONE friend like Nadiah, who will consistently ask you if you've exercise, give you workout and food advice, reminding you of your accomplishments and always motivating and believing in you. Trust me. It helps A LOT when you have a friend like this. 

So what are you waiting for? Go call up your health freak friend! Come on! Everyone has at least one friend who is OBSESSED about health and exercising and what nots!!!

I'm just lucky that mine happens to be a close friend!

So thank you Nadiah! For not only being a fabulously crazy girlfriend but always reminding me how far I've gotten and never failing to make me realise that IT'S OKAY.  

Thank you Naddy Noddy. Huge hugs and sloppy kisses all the way from SG. Can't wait to visit you there! Miss you like crazy!!!